childrens ugg sale night talk hosts scramble to respond to Trump

The giant ripping sound you may have heard Tuesday afternoon was hundreds of pages of monologue jokes being torn up.

Just hours before late night talk hosts were scheduled to tape their shows, President Trump held an unplanned, combative, one of a kind press conference at Trump Tower, embracing his much derided Saturday speech and placing blame on “both sides” white supremacists/neo Nazis and their opponents for the weekend violence stemming from a Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Va.

“We had so much fun stuff planned for you tonight. We worked on it all day. We had Bachelor in Paradise, kids going back to school, there’s a horrible new pair of Uggs we were going to discuss,” he said. “I even thought, ‘Hey, maybe we won’t talk about Donald Trump much tonight,’ and then he opened his mouth and all manner of stupid came out,”

He continued: “I’m not joking when I say I would feel more comfortable if Cersei Lannister was running the country at this point.”

Stephen Colbert said the press conference took place in ‘the seventh circle of hell’Colbert had a spanking new monologue, replete with press conference commentary, ready for his audience at CBS’s The Late Show.

“In an impromptu press conference just a few hours ago, President Trump said, ‘The hate and the division must stop.’ For a minute, the crowd got excited, because they thought Trump was resigning.”

“President Trump gave a very strange press conference where he kind of undid whatever good he did in yesterday press conference. In his press conference, President Trump referred to the neo Nazis as history buffs. Then he referred to serial killers as ‘population control experts.’

“Yes it was a very odd press conference. In the press conference, President Trump said that Steve Bannon was a good friend and not a racist. Then he said, ‘Oops, I meant to say, a good racist, and not a friend. Meyers called the press conference ‘clinically insane’Meyers of NBC’s Late Night offered a “Breaking Crazy” news report on the Trump Tower event. (Warning: This contains some NSFW language.).
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